"Don't you know what you've been given
So while the world's still spinning
Light a candle in your heart and shine
'Cause we're living on borrowed time."
-Matt Maher, Borrowed Time
Physically. Mentally. Emotionally. Probably psychologically and spiritually, too.
I've been trying to get these thoughts out for over a month. Every time I sat to put down these ideas, though, nothing would come. Different than writer's block - as I've had these ideas for a while - I just felt empty.
No energy.
No enthusiasm.
No time.
From the ongoing and wearisome effects of the global pandemic, to more senseless and horrific killings, to unceasing ideological irrationality, to my own trials and heartaches, I have been motivated to do something while simultaneously caught in the clutches of my own confusion about what that might be and lack of capacity to actually do it right.
And, in the midst of all that clamors for my attention in the next month, I went to Mass this morning.
This, too, had been stuck in my motionless inertia. A desire to go, but a feeling that I just couldn't afford the time away from my to-dos.
Throughout the celebration, I had a number of distracted thoughts. So much to do. So much that needs done. Even without music, it seemed to be taking a long time.
And then, almost from the depths of my being, I remembered Mary and Martha, and Jesus's guidance that "Mary has chosen the better part and it will not be taken from her" (Luke 10:42). Like Martha, the midwesterner in me values working hard and busyness. I've always taken pride in - albeit too much - and achieved much success because of my work ethic.
Work is important. There is so much good work to do. But, prayer is needed, too.
Without it, or more appropriately with Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5).
Life is, among other things, precious, beautiful, fierce, powerful, hard, confusing, fragile.
It is also finite. We are dust and unto dust we all shall return.
Yet, the time between our first and last breath on earth can be filled with so many hills and valleys, triumphs and losses, positives and pains. The highs can bring so much joy that we crave more of these mountaintop moments. The lows can drain so completely that we bemoan our current state and desperately try to avoid any further despair.
All of it, though, is a gift; that's why it's called the present. We don't get much - if any - of a say in how many of those presents we receive. In the words of J.R.R. Tolkien's Gandalf the Wizard, "All we have to do is decide what to do with the time that is given us."
We are all on borrowed time. All of us. Many, unfortunately, within our country have experienced this in tragically painful ways. The world is so broken and so many people need healing and mercy. Again, the Martha in me fills with feelings of frantic doing.
But, we need works and faith (James 2:24-26). Contemplative action. Active contemplation. Prayer and work. Work and prayer.
To this equation, I would also add purpose. Burnout is real. Balance is a myth. Purpose, though, can fill the moments between our first and last moment on this earth with direction. Purpose can provide energy and enthusiasm for the pursuits most important to us.
Knowing how to spend our time is powerful. Knowing why we will spend it in those ways is magical.
As we seek to make the most of however many presents we receive, let us be purposeful in why we will use these moments in these ways.
Spend time in prayer. Let it be the first words out of your mouth in the morning and the last ones before retiring for the night. On days when you think there is no way you could spare even those few minutes communing with God, put aside a few more.
Connect with others. We were made in the image and likeness of a Triune God. We, too, are inherently made for relationships. From family, to friends, to colleagues, to anyone, trust that our communion with others brings us into deeper and more intimate communion with God.
Do the best version of you. Put on your glasses that make you feel like a writer. Don the tie that helps you to feel more confident. Take time for a walk or workout or dance or laugh or coffee or music or nap or those practices that help you to be your best. You deserve to be your best. Everyone else needs you that way, too.
Do the best work that you have been asked to do. Whatever corner of the vineyard you have been tasked with tending, tend it well. "We are workers, not master builders; ministers, not messiahs" (Bishop Ken Untener).
The clock is ticking.
Let's start living.
