Today marks the 10-year anniversary of my father's sudden passing into eternal life. Unexpected and somewhat mysterious, his death shook me like no other event in my life ever had.
I can't believe he has been gone for 10 years. I have so much that I wish that I could say to him, so much that I wish that I would have done, so many regrets, missed opportunities, and mistakes...
Yet, despite the deep and lasting hole left by my father's passing, I have come to an even deeper understanding of and appreciation for life, my family, and most importantly, my faith.
It is not, in any way, what I would have chosen. Yet, because of Christ, it is well.
A few years after his passing, I stumbled across this rendition of the song "It Is Well With My Soul". I knew it as a traditional Christian hymn, yet for as many times as I had heard or even sung it, I never knew its inception. It's incredible to me that in the midst of such tragedy, someone could be so secure in the Lord.
Horatio Spafford composed the lyrics in the wake of a series of tragic events in his life. He and his wife lost their son to Scarlet Fever in 1870. The Great Chicago Fire of 1871 ruined him financially. Then, he lost his other four children out at sea on a voyage that he was initially supposed to also be on. He learned of their passing from his wife, Anna, who survived the shipwreck and sent Horatio this telegram, "Saved alone. What shall I do?" It was during his journey to reunite with his wife that Spafford wrote the words of this hymn.
Around the same time as my discovery of the origins of the song above, I also heard the testimony of Angie Smith. She retold the story of the birth and death (within two hours of each other) of her daughter Audrey. Her story and her message cut right to my core and I found myself in tears.
Angie recounted the importance of meeting Jesus in the deep waters of His love as opposed to the safety of the sands on the shore. In her deepest, darkest moments, Angie cried out to Jesus for Him to walk with her, hold her and carry her through these times.
Jesus, she says, is in the deep. It is only there that we can come to know Him. As you may be able to assume, Angie and her husband, Todd Smith (lead singer of the Christian band, Selah), were advised to abort Audrey as she was incompatible with life. Even if Audrey was able to make it full-term, she would not survive delivery or much beyond.
Angie and Todd put out into the deep and carried Audrey the full length of the pregnancy. Audrey only lived two hours and the pain surrounding this tragic event shook Angie and Todd and forced them to latch onto the Lord as they had never done before. Todd and Angie had the courage to tell Audrey, "We will carry you," even though her death was imminent and their grief unavoidable. Jesus, in response, had the love to "carry them" through the most difficult thing that anyone could endure - death.
Jesus is not on the shore. He is in the beautiful, powerful, dangerous waters of the deep. When we find ourselves outside of our comfort zones, afraid, hurt, alone, where our feet can't touch the bottom, Jesus is there. He lives in the deep. We can't fall in love with Him on the seashore, because He's not there. We have to move away from what's safe to truly see, meet, and love Jesus.
By no means does this mean you seek out pain and hurt and despair. Instead, it is an invitation to face life's storms when they come - because they will - with the confidence and courage that we have a Savior who carries us through them all.
Continue to venture into the deep. It's where, if you're open to it, you can encounter God.
It's where, because of Him, it is well.
